Letting Go

*Sigh* I've been doing A LOT of that lately, and I know exactly why. Today was a bit sad for me, as I made the decision to let go of someone I've come to care very deeply about... I've been battling this decision for weeks now, I prayed on it I asked god to let his will be done... If it's meant to be, it will be, if it isn't well... I'm writing about lost so, you know who that cookie crumbled.

The relationship, if I can call it that, it was wonderful... But at the same time I wanted more & I guess you can say he isn't ready for that right now... I know what your thinking "well maybe you should have gotten the facts from the start" Well, I basically went into this with a  "go with the flow, enjoy the moment" mindset, & somewhere along that road we got too close & well... *sigh*

Its a lot more to this situation that I don't feel like getting into but although I lost a lover, I also feel like I've lost a friend.... And that hurts... It breaks my heart that I had to end things the way I did given the beautiful morning that we had, cracking jokes & just messing around. I know it probably came as a shock to him, and in no way did I just wake up and said to myself "I'm so gonna' leave this dude today" I just wanted to get to the bottom of his feelings and see what his intentions were regarding our relationship for the next few months...

The thing is, everyday we are taught that life is too short to not tell someone how you feel. Over the weekend we lost a beautiful, talented, bright young lady due to a car crash... Although I didn't know her personally, she was always so graceful & humble each time I saw her... Her friends & love ones didn't know that would be the last of her they would see... All of that to say this, tomorrow isn't promised, so although i'm sad that I had to let Mr. Wonderful go, i'm also relieved knowing that I let him know how I felt, and I am not gonna' settle for anything less than I deserve.

Who knows, maybe he would have let go of his fear of commitment tomorrow, next week or a month from today. However, we've been knowing each other for 6months & I just wouldn't feel right knowing that I left these thoughts on my mind another day & not let him know how I feel... According to him, besides a title or a "facebook status" (as he puts it)  we have a relationship.... O_o... Yea. Ok... Anyway.. I'm done with this for now, i'll just keep praying & pushing forward.